We all know that getting married is one of the most exciting times in your life. What you might not know, is just how stressful the planning can become in a very short space of time! If you're getting some help in the form of a wedding planner, here are some handy questions that you really ought to ask them before you let them anywhere near your special day!
1. How many weddings have you planned in the last year?
It's a great idea to get an idea of their experience with recent weddings. You don't want to get 3 months in to the details and discover the last wedding they planned was in 1980 and your guests will be eating vol au vents off the shoulder pads on your wedding dress.
2. Should it sting this much when I pee after a large meal?
If your wedding planner isn't comfortable with these kind of questions then how is he/she going to cope with dabbing the sweat off your thighs on the most important day of your life? Best to find out now that he/she abides by strict "social etiquette" before you're cursing his/her unborn children when the florist is late to the rehearsal dinner.
3. Where are you from? Could you tell me a little more about your background?
It's important you have enough in common to work well with your wedding planner. If their taste is very different from yours you may find it tricky to agree on details. Background is important to know how they will manage your slightly more awkward guests at the reception... Can they handle a shank if the going gets tough? Have they ever smacked a mother-of-the-bride when she got a bit gobshitey? All things you want to know in advance so that if your wedding planner shies away from confrontation you can instead focus your energies on the right drugs in the toast drinks.
4. Will you actually be there on the day?
Always good to find out if the thieving scumbag is expecting dinner and an invite as well as the thousands of pounds you're paying them for their indispensable help rounding up and inebriating your friends in the most generic hotel garden in a practical radius.
5. Have you got any black friends?
Nobody likes a racist.
6. Are there some flowers that are unsuitable for a summer wedding?
There is absolutely no point in getting your heart set on Mandrakes and Devil's Snare only to find out later on that they bring bad luck on a spring bride! Make sure your wedding planner understands that you're desperately insecure and paranoid and will be whispering accusations of attempted upstaging at the blossoms as you proceed up the aisle. It's best that your flowers have a humble yet glad-to-be-there appearance so you don't crush them in your bare hands when they're prettier than you on the day.
7. If we decide on the day that we're not sure marriage is 100% enough for us, would you consider a threesome?
I mean, just imagine how awkward that would be if you didn't ask?
8. Have you ever met Matthew McConnaughey?
Somewhere in the back of your mind you'll be hoping that your wedding planner actually is Jennifer Lopez and you really need to settle your mind at the earliest convenience. Obviously it would be just super if J-Lo was planning your wedding, but it's worth remembering that she thinks "love don't cost a thing" and you're channelling thousands of pounds into showing family and friends that actually you take some maintaining and are better than them. Also, I should sincerely hope you're a stickler for grammar or your invites are going to be painful. J-Lo is unhelpful on all these points so screw her. Your wedding planner will hopefully be a mousey person with mild OCD and very little passion in their own life. You're doing them a favour.
Well! I hope that was helpful, remember, your wedding is unique and personal to you, so do try and read absolutely as many of these generic guides as you can.
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